"There used to be some great graffiti in Hull. There was one on Walker Street for about ten years: "Fannies are ace".

"One of the main reasons I stayed living in Hull was this graffiti I saw when I came to Hull on the train, which said "Bowie is gay". It seemed unnecessary. Then there was the graffiti that said "Elton John is number one", like Elton John is the top man. We were going to call our album "Elton John is Number One. And how it happened was, we went in at Number Two and Elton was Number One, so it would have been dead clever".

"Did you hear that radio commentary on the Man U match last night? That Coventry defender Pressley headed it back and let United in to score. The commentator goes, "And the Manchester fans will be loving him tender tonight".

"Did you see that programme about the philosopher Hitler based his Aryan supremacy stuff on? It was like how to assess the different races; blue eyes 12 points, brown eyes zero points, black eyes minus four, hairy chest minus six. The thing is, it’s obviously a load of shit, but you still sit there thinking, Oh no, hairy chest, minus five points".

"Yes Fantasy Aryan Bodily Characters League.

"They had a thing about knobs in it, small knobs being better. Only Jews, blacks and animals should have big knobs. The aristocrat-ic white male has a small one".

"On all the statues they all have small knobs. Having a big one used to be seen as beastly. It’s like big and small knockers have been seen differently over the ages",.

"Isn’t most of basketball irrelevant? The score’s always like 45-47, 76-79, 96-97, it’s always two points apart. Why don’t they just play the last couple of minutes and forget about the rest?"

"Americans are scoring obsessed".

"Yeah, in the World Cup. Nil-nil? Sounds like a fucking panda, man".

"I was trying to explain football rules to this American bloke during the World Cup and South Korea had just been beaten 1-0. He was saying, "So, the South Korean guys got nil, they go home, right?" I said, no they have another chance in the next match. He’s like, "No, they should go home and if they don’t, they should get another eleven guys to replace those fuckers who scored nil".

Lou: (Dave’s six-year old daughter)

"Daddy, you shouldn’t drink beer".

"What should I drink?"

"Tea".

"But what if daddy wants a nice cold drink?"

"He should drink whisky".

Total Imbibed:

Five pints of Castlemaine top, five pints of Tetley, four pints of Carlsberg, five whisky & Cokes, ten gin and tonics, two drambuies.